My Name is Red Wing

With the Avs about to play the Wings for the 3rd time this season, I thought I would rip-off…er write an little ditty based on the Dodge Ram commercial. Red Dodge trucks, Detroit Red Wings…get it?

My name is Red Wing and my bench is empty

I am fueled by dead octopi,
Steered by a convict.

I have been driven into the boards,
I am stopped by injuries.
I have a can’t-score spirit in a can’t-win division.

My name is Red Wing and my score sheet is empty

My players are mangled.
They are battered,
They are beaten.
They are not built to last but to circumvent the CBA

The call-ups must not achieve but over-achieve.
I am built to protect a mediocre goalie behind the winged wheel by whining even more than he does.

My name is Red Wing and my goaltender is empty

I had McCarty carry the Stanley Cup, the loyalty of the Hockey world,

the greatest accolade, the envy of my peers.
McCarty carried the Cup,
Joe Eliot carried the Cup,
And delivered the Curse without fail.

My name is Red Wing and my Cup is upside-down

The road ahead is long but I know my destination.
I am on course (golf) and my knee brace is strapped on and ready to go.
I will not win my division,
I will not make the playoffs,
My season will come to a screeching halt.

My name is Red Wing and my season is all but over

-From the Point