My Name is Red Wing

With the Avs about to play the Wings for the 3rd time this season, I thought I would rip-off…er write an little ditty based on the Dodge Ram commercial. Red Dodge trucks, Detroit Red Wings…get it?

My name is Red Wing and my bench is empty

I am fueled by dead octopi,
Steered by a convict.

I have been driven into the boards,
I am stopped by injuries.
I have a can’t-score spirit in a can’t-win division.

My name is Red Wing and my score sheet is empty

My players are mangled.
They are battered,
They are beaten.
They are not built to last but to circumvent the CBA

The call-ups must not achieve but over-achieve.
I am built to protect a mediocre goalie behind the winged wheel by whining even more than he does.

My name is Red Wing and my goaltender is empty

I had McCarty carry the Stanley Cup, the loyalty of the Hockey world,

the greatest accolade, the envy of my peers.
McCarty carried the Cup,
Joe Eliot carried the Cup,
And delivered the Curse without fail.

My name is Red Wing and my Cup is upside-down

The road ahead is long but I know my destination.
I am on course (golf) and my knee brace is strapped on and ready to go.
I will not win my division,
I will not make the playoffs,
My season will come to a screeching halt.

My name is Red Wing and my season is all but over

-From the Point

Darren McCarty - Air Guitar Champion?

How is that Versus gig working out for you? Just in case you need a new hobby or job, I found this article from a couple years ago. In it, you say:

"I remember in Grade 11, we did, like, an air-band assembly," the 36-year-old forward told NHL.com. "It was right when 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' came out, and I remember playing guitar.

Maybe you can start playing air guitar in the Canadian Championships?