Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Cutler Conspiracy Revealed!

Well, there is one very unfortunate bastard out there that some how, some way, discover the truth behind the Cutler saga. I just heard him on FM 104.3 The Fan. Remember them? Barely? Yea, me too.
Allow me to set up the situation with a few rhetorical questions...
Who is a man perversely possessed by winning football games?
What is said man to do when cheating with video cameras has been revealed?
When his star quarterback has had four surgeries on his knee?
Well, obviously you need to get another great quarterback.
It's all an evil plan by New England Patriots coach Bill Belicheck to steal away Cutler. Yep! It's such an intricate plan that Beli managed to maneuver Bowlen into firring Shanahan AND getting McDaniels hired. Yep, McD is the man on the inside. Dove Valley has been penetrated by the enemy.
Now this is shocking news to all of you, I'm sure. But for the poor bastard on the radio that figured this out, well it's just a matter of time before they track him down, he can't be long for this world. One word from McD and Elvis Dumerville will be wrapping those "unusually long" arms of his around said victim in the last bear hug he'll ever know.
And then it's deny, deny, deny! McDaniels will say - "What a ridiculous conspiracy theory!" and "Where do people come up with this nonsense?"
I can hear it now. And everyone will have a good laugh and forget about it.
Then in a bizarre (but believable) legal incident involving Brady's ex girlfriend and some unidentified women (one each, coincidentally, from every town in the country with an AFC football team) Brady will suddenly retire from football and move to Argentina siting an unmanageable amount of child support as his reason for leaving the NFL and the country.
Suddenly the door is open and Beli will pick up Cutler from Detroit for a song.
Wait for it...
Soon you will see that if fact, in the land of striped socks, bumper stickers that claim God is a Broncos fan and suburban houses painted orange...
nothing is impossible.
Posted by: From the Point

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